Near death experience brings people together

I've truly been on a wild ride and I want to share more about it. I'm not the best writer even at my best. Regardless of that fact, every once in a while, I get over myself enough to type a blog post. This one is about death and life.

When the plane I was on caught fire (US Airways Flight 59 from Charlotte to Seatac), I had a bit of an "Come to Jesus Party". It wasn't frantic. I didn't panic - No one did. My reaction was not passionate. I felt alittle sick to my stomach, as I thought "Today is the day I die." I can't say I wasn't scared - I was. But, erierly I was pretty calm as I sort of observed the situation. The flashes of light and the plane sliding around fighting the turbulence on one engine was "off putting".

After we landed and the tension dropped. (The pilot said "I think everything is under control") We laughed and the people in the cabin talked with one another. I wonder what they thought. We had been in a tense situation and we felt a bond stronger than the normal barrier against speaking to a stranger.

I don't know if it's Star Trek's Klingon or Japanese Shinto ninja comic book philosophy, but somewhere way back when I watched Star Trek with my Dad or chucked "throwing stars" at the back of my friend's skateboard halfpipe, I accepted that I was going to die. I really couldn't choose when, but I could choose how. I want to die doing something great.

And in the last couple of months - Since I moved to Tacoma to be with my Girlfriend or Since I quit my job in Taiwan and moved back to be near Family - I feel like I'm doing something great. Like I'm living by the right values or guidebook.

"I'm still alive / do I deserve to be? / And if so, who answers?" That's a Pearl Jam lyric that has been floating around my head lately (before the flaming engine).

I an hour before I got on the plane to leave Wilmington, I met with a friend, Annie. I've known her for less than a year and we have a fantastic relationship. It's intellectual,as well as intimate and physical - She is my massage therapist. After the massage yesterday and while we were saying goodbye, she said something that I truly needed to hear. She said that she was happy to know me, that I was special to her. She said that I was like a wonderful cameo in the movie of her life. It made me feel so good. I felt like busting at the seams. When someone who you think is great, thinks you are great - well, that's just great. (!)

She also said I deserved to be happy and have a great life. That word deserved struck me and I remembered the Pearl Jam song.

So maybe it's our friends who answer the question, "Do I deserve to be alive?" Of course, I've been told by my parents and family and friends that I am special to them, but they are sort of obligated to make comments like that. Coming from a new friend and unsolicited - It's Special. And she is special. And I wish for her the same thing.